40 Signs you are a bad bartender...

1. The term "quality" never crossed your mind, people only drink to get drunk, right? 2. To make a great drink requires the use of 151 proof rum. 3. Pissing off the servers is nightly entertainment. 4. Running the dishwasher without soap doesn't concern you. 5. You jam bottles into the ice bin and scoop ice with the glass. 6. You think the floor drain is a sink so you dump your shaker on the floor. 7. You think short pouring is good because it makes the bar more money. 8. You steal tips from your co-workers!!! 9. You think expiration dates on juices and milk are guidelines. 10. The only reason you bartend is for free booze and cheap girls. 11. When someone tips poorly you assume you did nothing and the guest was wrong or cheap. 12. You think sour mix is a direct substitute for real lemon or lime juice. 13. You don't know what bitters are. 14. You huff and sigh when someone orders a more complex drink. 15. Your theory on drink making is: more sugar equals better drink 16. When someone asks a question about wine, you claim "I don't know, I don't like wine" (or place the beverage name there!) 17. You don't know what a snifter is. 18. Washing cocktail shakers is done once, at the end of the shift. 19. Your goal is to have sex with all of the servers of the opposite gender. 20. Your goal is to have sex with all of the servers of the same gender. 21. You believe looks and perhaps your breasts are more important than studying and using your brain! 22. When asked about a cocktail on the menu, you read from the menu to give the answer. 23. When asked about "draft beers" you read off the menu or the tap handles. 24. You haven't washed your work cloths for weeks and just leave them under the bar. 25. You wash your hands once per shift, at the end of the night. 26. Using a three day old slimy lemon wedges doesn't raise an alarm bell. 27. You spend more time talking to the servers than the guests at the bar. 28. You call in sick because you have another hangover. 29. You drop limes on the floor and can't be bothered to wash them. 30. Getting drunk or high before or during work is a weekly event. 31. You strain fruit flies out of the liquor and then put the liquor back on the bar. 32. When it gets really busy, you disappear on a "smoke break." 33. You never run other people's food and will not take tables when asked...after all, you are THE bartender. 34. You don't know what "standard pour" means at your bar. 35. You believe a stronger drink obtains a better tip. 36. You don't know common solutions to "flat beer." 37. You don't stock or clean the bar for the next shift. 38. You chastise people for the way they place drink orders. 39. You think you need a barback on a $2000 ring. 40. When out drinking, you exclaim to service staff "I know, I am a bartender."

Yours in Success,

Peter Dean Bouloukos